I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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