i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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