you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
