Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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