Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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