Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
