Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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