Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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