when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He felt like a one man threesome
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
