Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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