it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
