Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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