THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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