dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
