Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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