im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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