I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
