Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A bitchslap is in order.
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