Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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