I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sex in a hospital.. check
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
