high people should be assigned attendants
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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