Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
