It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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