Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
