I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
