hotel room ftw
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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