I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
