those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
