she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
