She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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