My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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