What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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