Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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