If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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