proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
