I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
