there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
