Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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