Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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