There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
