I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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