If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
