Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
