Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
