I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Someone came in the potted fern
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
