sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
