By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
