Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
