I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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