i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
