I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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