Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
