If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
