Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
