I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
