And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
