He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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