so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
