Swine flu. Run for my life!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
