He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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