like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
