At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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