my room smells like sperm. sweet.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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