i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
